We've collected some examples of common problems that can occur in any match. It's normal for match relationships to experience some of the following situations. Remember, we are here to help!
"My Little doesn’t show appreciation."
Coming into the match with a preconceived notion of how your Little should show appreciation will set you up for a letdown. Your Little may not say “please” and “thank you” when you first start meeting, and even after many times together he/she may still not respond in a way that you deem appropriate. Your Little may show appreciation in different ways.“I had a good time” may eventually be a response, but may be a long time in coming. Sometimes he/she might only say, “It was o.k.”
Be sure you model the behavior you would like your Little to demonstrate, and be consistent.
You may want to tell your Little how much fun you are having on the outings.
"My Little doesn’t share feelings and/or initiate conversation."
You may feel that your Little is not putting as much into the relationship as you would like. The relationship may seem one-sided for a long time with you doing the talking, but your Little not saying much. You may be the first adult relationship outside of family members for your Little and so your Little may not be sure how to act. Also, your Little may not feel comfortable expressing his/her feelings right away.
Eventually your Little may well respond in a more open and honest way, trusting you and confiding in you as an adult who will not disappoint or walk out on him/her. Conversation between you will grow and your Little may share more feelings with you. If this happens, rejoice in it, but remember that no relationship is perfect and all relationships are different.
If your Little is naturally quiet, recognize that it may be out of his/her comfort zone to initiate conversation. Just like you may be more comfortable talking, your Little may be more comfortable with silence. Choose activities that take the pressure off of conversation and allow you to get to know your Little in a way that he/she is comfortable. Crafts, board games, sports, and movies are just a few examples of activities a quiet Little may enjoy.
"My Little is overactive and has troubling staying on task. I've been told my Little has ADHD."
Keep choices simple when asking your Little to help make a decision.
Provide clear expectations and directions. Give one instruction at a time and when the task is finished, give the next instruction. Have your Little repeat the instructions back to you.
Give the directions using positive language (“When we go inside the museum, we need to use our indoor voices” rather than “Don’t talk loudly when we get inside the museum”).
Praise your Little and be positive. Positive responses from you will be more effective than negative responses. If rewarding your Little for good behavior, explain what exactly he/she did that resulted in the reward. Be clear with what you are praising.
Keep your Little engaged in physical and "hands on" activities. Choose activities that don't require complex, multi-step directions.
"Stack the deck" in favor of your Little when planning activities. For example, choose an activity you think your Little will do well at. If your Little doesn’t do well at sporting events, do not take them to a hockey game and then give negative consequences when your Little acts out. Also, avoid activities that involve long waiting periods.
Prepare your Little- give a countdown when an outing is coming to an end.
For a list of online resources on ADHD, visit http://www.genome.gov/10004302
"My Little doesn’t seem interested."
Keep in mind that we all demonstrate interest in different ways, and your Little may not know how to communicate that he/she is interested. In the enrollment and matching process, we talk to Littles to make sure they want a Big and it isn’t only his/her parent that wants them to have a Big. We will not move forward if a child does not want to be in the program.
Be sure you do not make assumptions based on your Little’s behavior, and talk to your Match Support Specialist if you have questions.
Your Match Support Specialist can also give you feedback from his/her conversations with your Little.
"My Little doesn’t want to improve."
Your Little may have many adults eager to tell what he/she is doing wrong and may not want to hear another adult telling them what to do.
Your Little will respond to someone who will point out and praise strengths. These strengths (assets) can range from the values that the child holds to things he/she is good at doing. If your Little knows that you are going to be positive, give encouragement and compliments, and appreciate the unique person that he/she is, change will happen in very positive ways, and your Little will grow in confidence, competence and caring.
Change happens when you focus on building your relationship with your Little- not when you focus on trying to change your Little. Have fun together!
Remember to call your Match Support Specialist for further help. If you can't remember their contact information, click here.
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